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Dec. 28th, 1999 11:00 pmTue 28 Dec
We're on a twin bed tonight, sleeping at friends' outside of town. This bed is even too small for the dog's standards, who is crushed at our feet into a ball.
As usual, it feels like it has been too long since I've written, but I'll try not to condemn myself for that. I've been really trying to relax and roll with the punches a lot more - I've had varying degrees of success with that.
Tonight's topic is AWARENESS - what else? I've discovered now, through experience (the best teacher), that Un-awareness is actually the root of all evil. At a profound philosophical and metaphysical level, that is literally true.
Examples abound - far too numerous to mention - and all prove conclusively the truth. It starts with mindfulness of Self, I think. If you shelter yourself from your Self, you lose touch with Reality. To focus the awareness on Self though, so must you be mindfully compassionate to your Self, and all-accepting. If Self-hate or Self-doubt persist, you'll just create barriers as a coping mechanism to protect yourself from what you're afraid to see.
I'm trying hard to discover what about my own self I'm trying to avoid. It's hard to track that down when you can't even be aware of the food you're eating. That's how things have been with me for the past 6-8 months. I've exercised no control over my own eating habits, eating whatever and whenever I wanted. I honestly feel like I'm regaining some control over that, though. I haven't had second helpings for awhile, for example. Damned food - one of my biggest vices - the hardest one to shake.
We're on a twin bed tonight, sleeping at friends' outside of town. This bed is even too small for the dog's standards, who is crushed at our feet into a ball.
As usual, it feels like it has been too long since I've written, but I'll try not to condemn myself for that. I've been really trying to relax and roll with the punches a lot more - I've had varying degrees of success with that.
Tonight's topic is AWARENESS - what else? I've discovered now, through experience (the best teacher), that Un-awareness is actually the root of all evil. At a profound philosophical and metaphysical level, that is literally true.
Examples abound - far too numerous to mention - and all prove conclusively the truth. It starts with mindfulness of Self, I think. If you shelter yourself from your Self, you lose touch with Reality. To focus the awareness on Self though, so must you be mindfully compassionate to your Self, and all-accepting. If Self-hate or Self-doubt persist, you'll just create barriers as a coping mechanism to protect yourself from what you're afraid to see.
I'm trying hard to discover what about my own self I'm trying to avoid. It's hard to track that down when you can't even be aware of the food you're eating. That's how things have been with me for the past 6-8 months. I've exercised no control over my own eating habits, eating whatever and whenever I wanted. I honestly feel like I'm regaining some control over that, though. I haven't had second helpings for awhile, for example. Damned food - one of my biggest vices - the hardest one to shake.
