Still looking out

Fri 29 Dec

I've often felt it has to do with developing a clearer sense of perspective. How else can you explain the feeling of looking out of your own eyes from a place other than your own simple body? The truth is, I am not constrained by my own physical body. I am no more contained within this body than I am the ink within this pen. Part of my energy is concentrated here, but it did not originate here, nor will it remain here. I am indistinguishable from the air I breathe, the clothes I wear, the ground I walk on, the light I see. I am a ripple on the sea of Consciousness; blink once, look the other way, you'll miss me. Close your eyes and withdraw your senses, and I am There.

200 miles an hour, standing still

Fri 29 Dec

Is my vision improving or something? Every time I look around, it feels like everything is crisper to my eye. It seems to be happening to all of my senses, actually. My sense of hearing is so acute right now, walking in the forest has become a complete sensory smorgasbord for me. It's like the whole world is opening up to me in a way it never has before now.

By the same token, I feel like I need to drink in the world in bigger and bigger gulps. When I listen to music, it has to be really loud; when I look up at the sky, my eyes spread open so wide it feels like they're going to pop out of my head. Eating is the same way - lots of flavour, and lots of quantity. I want to explode into the million particles I know I am, fully disintegrated into the cosmos. With a soft boom and a flash of light (just like at the end of one of cee's flash poems), I'm gone. Poof - a handful of silver dust, glittering for a moment and then gone forever.

I'm so happy. I've never smiled inside so much for such a long stretch. And I love how PERMANENT it feels to me. Not a little transient attack, but a constant driving towards that flash of light. 200 miles an hour, but standing still.