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week 2 since "the switch"
Feb. 3rd, 2009 10:29 amAbout a week ago I wrote about how I had relaxed my behavioural expectations of my 2 year-old son, and how that had brought about a positive shift in my relationship with him. I wasn't yelling at him anymore for doing bad things, and I was re-evaluating what was really all that bad about what he was doing, anyway. He still has his "moments" -- several of them every day, in fact -- but I haven't been reacting to them in the angry way that I was becoming accustomed to. I just try to pick him up, or crouch down to his level, and give him a hug and ask him how I can help. About half the time, if I stop whatever else I'm doing and concentrate carefully on what he's trying so hard to say, then I can figure out what he really wants and just give it to him. It's infinitely more gratifying for me to bring him pleasure or to help him feel better or to resolve a problem than it is to try to ignore him or delay him or push him off for another two minutes so that I can finish washing that pot in the sink. Who the hell cares about that pot anyway? Why not bend down and embrace the child instead?
I also just can't help but love this boy. I love him terribly just because he's my son, of course, and I can recall the true love that blossomed between him and me when he was only a few months old. But he's also so incredibly beautiful and full of expressive affection himself, it's impossible not to fall in love with him every day.
What I meant by "the switch" was that it was a week ago that I made a simple but conscious decision to change the way I was thinking about my boy when I was getting mad at him. I just chose to think about it differently. And it suddenly changed the way I behaved around him and the rest of the family. His behaviour and that of some others in the family also seemed to improve simultaneously. I wanted to make note that I've kept up that practice this week too, and I'm sticking by it because it's working. And it's also much easier than I thought it would be to change the way I think about things, even things that used to bother me a lot.
I also just can't help but love this boy. I love him terribly just because he's my son, of course, and I can recall the true love that blossomed between him and me when he was only a few months old. But he's also so incredibly beautiful and full of expressive affection himself, it's impossible not to fall in love with him every day.
What I meant by "the switch" was that it was a week ago that I made a simple but conscious decision to change the way I was thinking about my boy when I was getting mad at him. I just chose to think about it differently. And it suddenly changed the way I behaved around him and the rest of the family. His behaviour and that of some others in the family also seemed to improve simultaneously. I wanted to make note that I've kept up that practice this week too, and I'm sticking by it because it's working. And it's also much easier than I thought it would be to change the way I think about things, even things that used to bother me a lot.
