getting things done by living in the moment

"Living in the moment" has become a pretty hackneyed cliché now, but it still reflects my greatest challenge on a day-to-day basis. This is despite (or maybe because of?) how much I've studied, read about, and know about mindfulness practices. At hundreds of points throughout the day, I ask myself if I'm really here, or if I've let myself wander off elsewhere mentally.

A few minutes ago, I was eating my breakfast at the island, uncharacteristically without reading material in front of me or an iPod earbud in my ear. The boys were acting out a big imagination game, each wearing a backpack filled with treasures and equipment and climbing up onto the window seat to investigate what was happening outside. (Max is 4 and Cohen turns 3 next week.) As I watched the miniature Cohen struggling to throw his leg up to the window seat and climb up, I had a momentary flash of... something. A feeling that I was really here, that I was watching something important happen as it was actually happening.

I watched Cohen's bright eyes looking out the back window at our yard, at the forest behind our house, at the sun rising through the trees. I knew that I was really here. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I wasn't thinking about what I need to get done later today. I was eating a meal I'd prepared myself for myself. (I wasn't standing at the counter, swallowing the leftovers from my kids' breakfasts before putting their dishes into the dishwasher.) I was watching my kids play, not waiting for the last minute before having to rush through getting them dressed to leave the house and thereby interrupting their game. I was listening to what was happening in the room at that moment instead of catching a couple of minutes from the latest episode of my favourite podcast. I was drinking from a big glass of cold, fresh water.

I was here.

Deep breath.

On panic and desire

From Issue #4148 of the Nonduality Highlights come these two interesting excerpts edited by Mark Otter:

Nothing matters so much that we should throw ourselves into a state of panic about it. No happening is so important that we should let ourselves be exiled from inner peace and mental calm for its sake.

— Paul Brunton

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Weak desires can be removed by introspection and meditation, but strong, deep-rooted ones must be fulfilled and their fruits, sweet or bitter, tasted.

—Nisargadatta Maharaj, from I Am That - Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

These two quotations reflect two sides of the same coin, I think. Many of my deepest-rootest desires are anchored in coping mechanisms I've developed in order to avoid feeling panic, depression, or other negative emotions.

The way I read these quotations is that we should deeply feel all of our emotions as they naturally occur and bubble up from within us, and in so doing we can avoid creating the sort of inner conflict that can lead directly to maladaptive or addictive behaviours.

If something bad or troublesome is happening in our life, then we should feel upset or angry about it—it's only natural! Then once the initial anger has been experienced, we can move on to do something constructive about the situation. But if instead of experiencing that natural anger we turn to some activity to dull that emotion (such as food, drugs, alcohol, excessive sex, the internet, etc.), then we doom ourselves to an endless feedback loop of unhealthy, mindless behaviours which do not provide any constructive solace to the original situation. What may have started as a necessary coping mechanism soon develops into an unhealthy addiction, and we end up worse off than we were before.

(x-posted here to nonduality)

VCR into cash