indifference
Jan. 21st, 2001 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iamomSun 21 Jan
I don't want this increasing perspective to make me indifferent to the world. It hasn't quite done that, but it can mimic that feeling when you start the see the world more clearly.
It's very difficult to describe how I feel right now. I have the same kind of empty feeling I've had throughout my entire life, but this time, it's not accompanied by the usual dread or sadness, as it used to be. The empty feeling is what's hard to describe. I feel a bit like a lost soul, wandering the earth in search of meaning I can't ever hope to find. In a way, I guess it still seems that the search is ongoing. I don't suppose that feeling really disappears until death, if even then. I think the negative aspects of that feeling are what fall away when you live is resolution of the dilemma. No-dilemma, like Adi Da used to say.
I don't want this increasing perspective to make me indifferent to the world. It hasn't quite done that, but it can mimic that feeling when you start the see the world more clearly.
It's very difficult to describe how I feel right now. I have the same kind of empty feeling I've had throughout my entire life, but this time, it's not accompanied by the usual dread or sadness, as it used to be. The empty feeling is what's hard to describe. I feel a bit like a lost soul, wandering the earth in search of meaning I can't ever hope to find. In a way, I guess it still seems that the search is ongoing. I don't suppose that feeling really disappears until death, if even then. I think the negative aspects of that feeling are what fall away when you live is resolution of the dilemma. No-dilemma, like Adi Da used to say.
