(no subject)
Feb. 3rd, 2001 01:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iamomFri 2 Feb - late night
Interesting week. Went by fairly quickly. As usual, not many events of note. On own self-observation, found little difference in awareness from one day to the next. Not convinced that I'm not just feeling a bit numb, although I can't discount the similarity in feeling between numbness and no-thingness. This awareness can sometimes take on a certain numb-y quality, somehow. At least insofar as it's not at all stimulating in a sensory or intellectual way.
My urge to write has ebbed this week for a simple and recurring reason: there is nothing of much interest to report on the general everday nature of awareness. Admittedly, there is a certain "constancy" to the moment that seems to be constantly recreating itself (or is it sustaining? or expanding? Or... is it none of those, but rather something else entirely?) But that constancy is just that - constant - and when your awareness is trained on that constancy, things start to stand out from one another less and less. That's not at all a bad feeling, though. To me, it actually feels quite liberating to see through that structure.
I've heard it called "suchness" before, this "state." I think is meant in some way to refer to the inherent reality of the subject. The notion of abidance also has something to do with this. Simply abiding in the energy generated by this intelligence? Abiding in awareness of suchness? Just letting it Be, There, Not This-Not That?
Christ, I don't know who's doing the talking right now. I don't recognize the words as my own. Is that even possible? Can you speak words that are purely created, not repeated, from within yourSelf? If you can actually utter a phrase or a word in a manner not ever used before you first said it yourself, are those words the unfettered, unblemished truth? Is a creative expression of totally new origin a direct expression of truth, or is it even possible to create even one purely creative, new, unthought thought? What is the first thought? What is the last thought? Is there really a thought at all that can be expressed in this way? Does it simply not "add up" like that?
And of course the same question returns: who is thinking this thought?
Interesting week. Went by fairly quickly. As usual, not many events of note. On own self-observation, found little difference in awareness from one day to the next. Not convinced that I'm not just feeling a bit numb, although I can't discount the similarity in feeling between numbness and no-thingness. This awareness can sometimes take on a certain numb-y quality, somehow. At least insofar as it's not at all stimulating in a sensory or intellectual way.
My urge to write has ebbed this week for a simple and recurring reason: there is nothing of much interest to report on the general everday nature of awareness. Admittedly, there is a certain "constancy" to the moment that seems to be constantly recreating itself (or is it sustaining? or expanding? Or... is it none of those, but rather something else entirely?) But that constancy is just that - constant - and when your awareness is trained on that constancy, things start to stand out from one another less and less. That's not at all a bad feeling, though. To me, it actually feels quite liberating to see through that structure.
I've heard it called "suchness" before, this "state." I think is meant in some way to refer to the inherent reality of the subject. The notion of abidance also has something to do with this. Simply abiding in the energy generated by this intelligence? Abiding in awareness of suchness? Just letting it Be, There, Not This-Not That?
Christ, I don't know who's doing the talking right now. I don't recognize the words as my own. Is that even possible? Can you speak words that are purely created, not repeated, from within yourSelf? If you can actually utter a phrase or a word in a manner not ever used before you first said it yourself, are those words the unfettered, unblemished truth? Is a creative expression of totally new origin a direct expression of truth, or is it even possible to create even one purely creative, new, unthought thought? What is the first thought? What is the last thought? Is there really a thought at all that can be expressed in this way? Does it simply not "add up" like that?
And of course the same question returns: who is thinking this thought?
