new age jokes

Courtesy of essence - thanks for letting me nick them...

What do you call a psychic midget that has escaped from jail?
A small medium at large!

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

What did the Buddhist tell the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman?
Too many attachments.

A monk went to the dentist for an exam. The dentist found a cavity and said he would have to give the monk a filling. "Do you want something for the pain?", asked the dentist. The monk replied, "Nope -- I am going to transcend dental medication."

A New Age Lullaby

Hush little baby don't you squall
Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball.

And if you still can't see beyond
Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand.

And if that wand don't change your fate
Momma's gonna teach you to levitate.

And if the astral makes you sick,
Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick.

And if that patchouli smells too rank
She'll buy you a sensory deprivation tank.

And if that tank don't float your bones
Momma's gonna buy you some precious stones.

And if those gems don't ease your heart
Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart.

And if your planets go berserk
Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork.

And if your aura still needs kneading
Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading.

And if your destiny stays hid
Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid.

And if your chakras still feel stressed
Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest.

And if power animals don't come to charm ya
Sorry, kid, it's just your karma.

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