just settling in again

It's bound to take me a few hours to get back into the groove of working. (Wait a minute - was I ever in the groove of working?) I've just had a lovely week-long vacation that felt like it was at least 2 weeks long, and my mind is completely relaxed right now. So much so, that I can't quite bring it back down to earth for work purposes just yet. I guess I should have done a little work yesterday to get acclimatized to it again. Then perhaps I could have hit the ground running this morning.

What does it mean when your vacation feels like it lasted longer than it actually did? I was totally absorbed in the present moment during that hiking trip. Each passing moment disappeared into oblivion. Living out each day was an observation of the razor sharp thinness of the present moment. At different times, I became aware of thoughts or songs that would enter my head, but as soon as I observed their presence, they disappeared. Until those momentary glimpses of the ordinary would rise to the surface of my awareness, my focus was nowhere - in the void, hanging invisible in the deep black. I returned to my body every so often to watch my step during a steep climb or to brace myself while scrambling down a rocky part. I returned to my outward mind when I needed to respond to a question or make a comment. Inevitably, my mind retreated into itself the moment after the activity ceased. And those moments too, faded forever into oblivion.

the questions don't get answered
but the need to ask fades away

visions, activity, connection

I've been having these weird trips lately about selling this house. I always think so far ahead of myself, you know? Like, I'm talking about what it'll be like when we have babies here, and what our next house is going to look like and where it will be, etc. Don't take that literally, by the way - B's not pregnant - but I'm sure you know what I mean. Always connecting the dots, looking at what's coming up next...

I think these are just activities to keep my mind occupied, though. If I didn't have these things to think about, my mind would disintegrate from my body and I would disappear into the oblivion from whence I came.

the visions come and go
they keep me integrated with the world
let go, and i'm gone