consulting the calendar

seekerofsages was writing recently about how rare it is to have and maintain a constant connection with the divine. (I paraphrase...) According to an expert she knows, probably a swami, it's a lot more common to have an intermittent connection that waxes and wanes, than it is to maintain a truly constant one.

I guess the last month or more has been an exception to the rule for me, then. It must have something to do with the fact that I work from home, so I'm not subject to a lot of the usual bullshit that everyone has to put up with at work, on the road, whatever. But I remember having an incredibly hectic and stressful day yesterday, which didn't feel hectic or stressful to me personally at any point, and which I left behind me and completely forgot about by the time I walked upstairs from my office at 6:30. What kept me so relaxed throughout that whole day was the fact that I never lost my connection; I never settled into the pain of the events of the day. Due to the nature of the work that was required of me, I had to funnel more energy into my job than I usually do, but everything evened out at the end of the day when I stopped and went to go start making dinner.

When B came home from work, I asked her, "Doesn't it seem like the days are an aberration, and the evenings are the real thing?" She laughed in agreement. After dinner, we visited some friends, one of whom was celebrating her birthday, and then we came home to bed by 10:30. But as I was getting ready for bed, I realized that the evening was no less an aberration than the day was, nor is it ever. It is nicer when our family is together in the evenings, but there's no real difference in what happens after work compared with during. As I settled into our comfortable bed and soft pillows, I let my mind disengage from its wakefulness as I began my nightly, patient wait for the next morning to arrive.

50 years or so to go