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The heart of the path is so simple. No need for long explanations. Give up clinging to love and hate, just rest with things as they are. That is all I do in my own practice.
Do not try to become anything. Do not make yourself in to anything. Do not be a meditator. Do not become enlightened. When you sit, let it be. When you walk, let it be. Grasp at nothing. Resist nothing.
...it all comes back to this -- just let it all be. Step over here where it is cool, out of the battle. Why not give it a try? Do you dare?
--Ajahn Chah, from the book A Still Forest Pool, published by Quest Books
May. 24th, 2005
A woman from Newfoundland "of a certain age" visited her physician to enlist his help in reviving her husband's sex drive. The doctor asked if they'd tried Viagra. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin, dear."
"No problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she rang up the doctor to report on her progress.
"Faith, bejaysus and begorrah!" she exclaimed. "'Twas horrid, I tell ya -- just terrible, Doctor. I did as you told me and I slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? Well the effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and dishes flying, ripped me clothes to total tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell ya!"
"Why is that?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"
"No, no, no, Doctor, the sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I've 'ad in 25 years. The problem, Doctor, is that I'll never be able to show me face at Tim Horton's again!"
"No problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she rang up the doctor to report on her progress.
"Faith, bejaysus and begorrah!" she exclaimed. "'Twas horrid, I tell ya -- just terrible, Doctor. I did as you told me and I slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? Well the effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and dishes flying, ripped me clothes to total tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell ya!"
"Why is that?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"
"No, no, no, Doctor, the sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I've 'ad in 25 years. The problem, Doctor, is that I'll never be able to show me face at Tim Horton's again!"
Canadian blonde joke
May. 24th, 2005 02:23 pmA blonde woman in Vancouver was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy." The blonde nodded. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Hawaii would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and then they made passionate love until dawn. Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Hawaii, and in return he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the Captain said. "You're on the ferry to Nanaimo."
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and then they made passionate love until dawn. Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Hawaii, and in return he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the Captain said. "You're on the ferry to Nanaimo."