three good Buddhist jokes
Dec. 16th, 2005 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iamomVia someone called ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rocza in a comment to this recent humour post in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
buddhists. I've been considering removing that comm from my "current reading" friends list filter, but I may postpone that for a little while if people are going to start posting funny stuff instead of all the usual entry-level questions that don't interest me.
A Western Buddhist woman was on retreat in India when one day, she was attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker accomplished nothing more than frightening her, but she was quite upset by the event and told her teacher about it. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.
The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."
Three monks decided to practise meditation together. They sat by the side of a pond and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He stepped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the pond to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be a test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water once more. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
rocza in a comment to this recent humour post in buddhists. I've been considering removing that comm from my "current reading" friends list filter, but I may postpone that for a little while if people are going to start posting funny stuff instead of all the usual entry-level questions that don't interest me.A Western Buddhist woman was on retreat in India when one day, she was attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker accomplished nothing more than frightening her, but she was quite upset by the event and told her teacher about it. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.
The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."
Three monks decided to practise meditation together. They sat by the side of a pond and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He stepped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the pond to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be a test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water once more. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
