on the many forms of violence in the home
Jan. 17th, 2008 10:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iamomMy childhood featured a certain amount of physical and emotional violence. By the time I reached my early teens, I started to make resolutions to myself about the kind of parent I would be when I had kids. I'd never hit my kids. I'd never strike at them in anger. I wouldn't ever mete out punishment for their behaviour in the form of physical pain. I'd always watch my children and listen carefully to what they had to say. I'd always want them to feel that they were important, that their thoughts and dreams were worthwhile, and that they'd have my unflagging support for as long as I lived.
But despite these high ideals, I can't admit to giving my children a completely non-violent upbringing so far. I've lost my temper lots of times, especially with our first one. I've never hit them in anger or otherwise, but I have blown up, sometimes at them directly, with a lot of yelling and maybe a smacking of the nearest table or doorjamb or something. I've vented more than my share of hot air in this way, and I'm sure that it's terribly unpleasant for little ones at the time.
I've also given my wife criticism for inconsequential things around the house: for the type of wooden spoon she uses to cook her morning eggs; for her timing of when she starts the laundry; for her lack of restraining Max from emptying the contents of the Tupperware drawer onto the floor for the 900th time. None of these things is important, but I find myself drawn to correct her about them a lot. For some reason, I think I'm the perfect judge.
Just for a sense of context, I'll soon be interviewing someone for the Nonduality Highlights Podcast who lost her daughter to cancer at the age of 7 and recently lost her husband to it also. She and her husband barely got a chance to try out their parenting with that poor little girl. It's a testament to their strength of character that they even stayed together after that.
But despite these high ideals, I can't admit to giving my children a completely non-violent upbringing so far. I've lost my temper lots of times, especially with our first one. I've never hit them in anger or otherwise, but I have blown up, sometimes at them directly, with a lot of yelling and maybe a smacking of the nearest table or doorjamb or something. I've vented more than my share of hot air in this way, and I'm sure that it's terribly unpleasant for little ones at the time.
I've also given my wife criticism for inconsequential things around the house: for the type of wooden spoon she uses to cook her morning eggs; for her timing of when she starts the laundry; for her lack of restraining Max from emptying the contents of the Tupperware drawer onto the floor for the 900th time. None of these things is important, but I find myself drawn to correct her about them a lot. For some reason, I think I'm the perfect judge.
Just for a sense of context, I'll soon be interviewing someone for the Nonduality Highlights Podcast who lost her daughter to cancer at the age of 7 and recently lost her husband to it also. She and her husband barely got a chance to try out their parenting with that poor little girl. It's a testament to their strength of character that they even stayed together after that.
